Feelings

Recently I’ve been praying a lot and being intentional with how and what I pray for. And that has helped me realize a lot. Some of them being hard to swallow. For instance through all of this I have learned, I’m really lost, and incapable of finding the right path without God. I’ve learned I love deeply and sometimes that love isn’t reciprocated in a way I expect. But the hardest thing I’ve had to learn is…. I Am Different. I know it sounds cliche but I am. And I don’t like it. I wish I was a normal 18 year old. With a college picked out and a career path to follow. I wish I had people around me looking at the world the same way I do. I don’t like that I trust easily, or that I think people are good and will tell the truth no matter what. I wish I had an interest in just one talent or hobby instead of a large handful of them. But through all my complaining and wanting to be similar to others, I have realized something that I believe God put on my heart and in my life. I have realized that everything I do is to allow other people to feel. Whether it be through music, art, words, a smile, I want them to feel. To feel connected, loved, cared about, seen, or simply understood. That is my whole goal as a person is to help someone realize they are worth it. I honestly have no clue what that looks like in the world. What job description is “helps people feel” but if it’s from God there will be one that allows me to do that. And through realizing that I really like to create to inspire feelings I struggled with the fact that I have been told by a lot of people that you should never chase a feeling because they are very fleeting. And I agree. But if a feeling is what keeps someone from leaving this world by their own hand, or allows someone come forward and see people care, or simply allows a spark of friendship be had. Then I will most definitely create to inspire feelings. Because one simply feeling might save a life and that will lead to something deeper than a quick feeling moment. My end goal is not a simple feeling but if that’s where I need to start I will start there. This is my goal. To ignite feelings that carry a deeper meaning and start a deeper connection. So here’s to my life as an inspirer, as a creator, as a feeling igniter. And from here on out it’s in God’s hands.