Feelings

Recently I’ve been praying a lot and being intentional with how and what I pray for. And that has helped me realize a lot. Some of them being hard to swallow. For instance through all of this I have learned, I’m really lost, and incapable of finding the right path without God. I’ve learned I love deeply and sometimes that love isn’t reciprocated in a way I expect. But the hardest thing I’ve had to learn is…. I Am Different. I know it sounds cliche but I am. And I don’t like it. I wish I was a normal 18 year old. With a college picked out and a career path to follow. I wish I had people around me looking at the world the same way I do. I don’t like that I trust easily, or that I think people are good and will tell the truth no matter what. I wish I had an interest in just one talent or hobby instead of a large handful of them. But through all my complaining and wanting to be similar to others, I have realized something that I believe God put on my heart and in my life. I have realized that everything I do is to allow other people to feel. Whether it be through music, art, words, a smile, I want them to feel. To feel connected, loved, cared about, seen, or simply understood. That is my whole goal as a person is to help someone realize they are worth it. I honestly have no clue what that looks like in the world. What job description is “helps people feel” but if it’s from God there will be one that allows me to do that. And through realizing that I really like to create to inspire feelings I struggled with the fact that I have been told by a lot of people that you should never chase a feeling because they are very fleeting. And I agree. But if a feeling is what keeps someone from leaving this world by their own hand, or allows someone come forward and see people care, or simply allows a spark of friendship be had. Then I will most definitely create to inspire feelings. Because one simply feeling might save a life and that will lead to something deeper than a quick feeling moment. My end goal is not a simple feeling but if that’s where I need to start I will start there. This is my goal. To ignite feelings that carry a deeper meaning and start a deeper connection. So here’s to my life as an inspirer, as a creator, as a feeling igniter. And from here on out it’s in God’s hands.

Life In The Mud

Sometimes life is just stupid hard. Sometimes it consistently drags you down and it seem that while you’re down and in the mud everyone else is dancing on rainbows and enjoying the beautiful sunshine. And most of the time we are encouraged to drop all of our problems and just move on to find the sun and rainbows. But if you are in the preverbal mud I encourage you to surround yourself with listeners and ambassadors of hope. People who will simply let you cry and be ok with you not being ok. Lots of times we can’t just drop it and move on, humans don’t work like that, we are natural control freaks and worriers. We want to feel like WE solved our problems and WE made everything ok. But we weren’t made to do that. We as humans are made to be together, together with other worriers and control freaks, and in Christ. So He can take all that worry and anxiety to the cross. And this isn’t easy. It never will be. But if we are constantly surrounded by people who are in Christ and in constant communion with other Christ followers then they will help you find the strength to let go, and simply breath without the weight of the world on your shoulders. It is 100% ok to be broken and not ok, but we have to rise above that. We can’t let it hurt our relationships and our health. We can be down but by surrounding ourselves with other followers we are able to find the beauty in everything and the hope in everything. Even the hope in the mud, the hope that one day soon we won’t be in the mud.